Curiosity kills conflict. It sounds morbid, I know, but hear me out. When you take the time to truly understand what has led to the conflict, you can typically deflate the conflict. This is good news because conflict in some form is inevitable when humans are involved. At work, managers spend about 25% of their time resolving workplace conflicts, eating into valuable time that could be used elsewhere. And recent research shows that conflict between employees is on the rise.  

Get Curious About Personality Type  

As we’ve said before, people differences trigger people problems every day everywhere. Most of the time it’s because people don’t understand how and why they show up at work the way they do. And if they don’t understand themselves, it’s highly unlikely that they will understand how and why their workmates show up the way they do. This sets the stage for miscommunication that often leads to conflict. 

Manager Tip:

Do you know what your personality type is and how it might be affecting your management style? Many don’t, but there is an easy fix. All you have to do is take an Everything DiSC assessment. Then you’ll receive a 20+ page report outlining your particular personality style including your priorities, motivators, challenges and stressors. This in depth information will shed light on how your personality affects your management style. The assessment will also offer you tips on how to work with the other personality types. 

Get Curious About How Your Team Feels About Conflict 

Managing a team will be easier if you create norms around conflict. Norms can be extremely beneficial because they provide rules or patterns around how the individuals on a team should respond in conflict situations. Once a norm or set of norms is embedded into the social fabric of the team, it will be much easier for each individual team member to hold themselves and each other accountable.  

Manager Tip:  

To create norms around conflict, you must first get to know your team a little better. Find out how each teammate feels about conflict. For example, do they run headlong into the fire, or do they run away from it? And if there is unresolved conflict, do they hold a grudge, avoid the other person involved, or just let it go? What behaviors do they believe are acceptable and which ones are unacceptable when engaging in conflict? Then hold a team meeting to discuss the answers to these questions and vote on the norms that the team would like to see implemented around how conflict will be handled going forward.  

Get Curious and Show Empathy

Sometimes when there is conflict, it’s best to just listen. We all want our side of the story to be heard, and we almost always feel justified about our emotions and how we remember things. So taking the time to listen to teammates that are experiencing conflict can serve to not only meet that emotional need, but also help to show empathy. A study by research firm DDI found that empathy is one of the most important drivers of overall performance among managers. And managers who show higher levels of empathy toward their team are viewed as better performers by their bosses as reported in another recent study. Honing your empathy skills by listening to your teammates is a win-win. 

Manager Tip:  

When conflict occurs, take the time to talk to everyone involved and really listen. Active listening involves being attentive and letting it show by looking the other person in the eye and leaning slightly forward. When they seem to have finished with what they want to tell you, simply say, “Hmm. Tell me more.” They may falter for a minute as they realize that you truly want to listen, but then they’ll continue with more details. Continue with ‘tell me more’ until you feel that there is nothing more to share or be gleaned from the conversation. It’s rare to be listened to with such intention, so doing it will help create psychological safety for the team member. And it will show that you have empathy for their situation.  

At The End Of The Day

There is no way to get rid of all conflict in the workplace. But you can work to lead the team toward productive conflict where individuals can openly discuss their opposing ideas in a respectful manner and without fear of backlash. This will take time but it’s totally doable. And the reward will be a team that works together instead of against each other. To get started you just need to get curious about  personality, how the team feel about conflict, and showing empathy. These strategies will help you reduce the time spent dealing with negative conflict.

If you’d like to understand more about how you show up as a manager, reach out to us today for a DiSC assessment and put yourself on the path to success. Because the Culture (R)evolution starts with you!

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Your Personality at Work

There are five steps to productive conflict. Wait, productive conflict? I know it’s hard to imagine because most people when they hear the word ‘conflict’ think of fighting, yelling, and arguing. What they’re referring to and what you’re probably thinking about right now, is destructive conflict. The negative kind of conflict that leaves hurt feelings, usually ends in stalemate, and over time can lead to a loss of productivity, effectiveness and engagement at work. This type of conflict wastes time and energy, and damages relationships. Productive conflict, on the other hand, is a healthy version of conflict that focuses on finding solutions in a respectful manner. One way to reach productive conflict is to utilize the 5 Steps to Resolution by Orrin Woodward. 

Step 1: Affirm the Relationship 

When you’re in conflict with someone, you’re usually not happy with the other person. So Step 1 encourages you to remember why you have a relationship with this person in the first place. Then take the time to tell the other person how much you value them. For example, “We work closely together on a lot of projects and I value our relationship.  So I am ok hashing this out with you so that we can get to a better place.”

Step 2: Seek to Understand 

This step actually pays homage to Stephen Covey’s  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Everyone wants to be heard and valued. This is just inherent to the human psyche. So this step makes us stop and listen. Instead of talking over each other trying to make sure that our viewpoint is the last one to be heard, we need to take the time to listen to what the other person is feeling. What do they want? What is important to them? The idea is to listen intently and repeat back to them what you heard. For example, “Let me see if I understand what you are saying. You feel…. Or You want….”

Step 3: Seek to Be Understood 

Once you’ve listened to why the other person feels the way they do, you’ve put what you heard into words, and they’ve agreed that you got it right, it’s your turn to share. This isn’t the time to let yourself get riled up. In fact, it’s really important that you keep your emotions in check or you’ll negate any progress you may have made in step two. So calmly and respectfully share your point of view on the issue at hand. When you’re finished ask the other person to please recap what you’ve shared with them to make sure they heard what you intended for them to hear.

Step 4: Own Responsibility By Apologizing 

This may be the hardest step for many of you, but it’s crucial to productive conflict and reaching a resolution. When you’re in conflict with someone, you may not be aware of the damage it has caused to your relationship. So own as much of the conflict as possible while still being truthful. For example, “I’m sorry that I dismissed your idea and talked over you in the meeting.” Even if you absolutely feel that you did nothing wrong, you can own the fact that you did not understand where the other person was coming from, and that you’d like get a better understanding now. 

Step 5: Seek Agreement 

Now it’s time to find a way forward out of the conflict. Have a discussion about what you would each like to see happen by repeating Steps 2 & 3. Wherever you find mutual agreement is a logical first step. However, also realize that compromise is key here. You don’t have to be in complete agreement in order to resolve the conflict. You just have to make some progress in the situation. In fact, if your conflict involves more than one issue or has evolved over a long period of time, you may have to start small. Choose one thing to commit to and then keep the commitment. This will build trust and decrease the likelihood of future conflicts over the same issue.  

To Wrap It Up

Conflict is inevitable in the workplace when have a lot of different personality types from different backgrounds, and who have different priorities, motivations, stressors and emotional needs. However,  it doesn’t have to be destructive. Conflict when done correctly is actually the gateway to the truth: better and brighter innovation as well as improved team dynamics. To get there utilize the 5 Steps to Resolution to engage in productive conflict. Oh and one last thing! Do the steps in person if at all possible. There’s just too much lost in written communication.

To improve your team’s ability to embrace productive conflict, call us. The Culture (R)evolution Starts With You! 

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It Takes A Village

Building Resilience Amidst Uncertainty – Part 1

Diversity & Equality: Our Story

Your Personality at Work