When building or ‘renovating’ relationships – lay a foundation of trust first

To go from trust to transformation in relationships, we have to approach them like we would if we were building or renovating a house.  We would never add the framework or layer multiple floors on without having a very secure base. In this case, trust is the foundation of transformation, which is key when building or ‘renovating’ relationships at work or in our personal lives.  

A strong foundation needs to be fortified and able to withstand the known and unknown forces at play. If you ask people what trust means to them you will hear varying responses. Examples might include: trust in myself, trust in the system, trust in others, and trust that it will all work out. This is because perceiving and embodying trust is totally subjective. We all have our own interpretation of trust and how it serves us.  And these interpretations are formulated by our own unique experiences.  So how do we transform through trust and build a strong and resilient foundation? We begin with trusting ourselves. 

Turning the focus inward by fortifying our own solid base of trust allows us an opportunity to be vulnerable and honest. But, being vulnerable and allowing ourselves to be honest can be terrifying because it means exposing our true selves and all of our self-perceived faults to others.  However, when we are able to show this vulnerability to others and understand what it takes to work through difficult moments, we are better equipped to understand what it’s like for others to do the same. This process helps us develop empathy, which builds connections, shared experiences and ultimately trust.  

Trust, according to research reported in The Harvard Business Review consists of 3 main elements: positive relationships, good judgment/expertise, and consistency.

Positive Relationships

So let’s look first at fostering a positive relationship of trust with ourselves. This is important because it’s the template for how we view and interact in our external relationships.  For example, if we are more optimistic and engaged, we can more easily partner with colleagues or friends in both the good times and the hard times remembering that we’re all there for the greater good. The trust we nurture in ourselves enables us to trust our own voice, gut feeling…our intuition.  And intuition helps to cultivate emotional intelligence. The most important positive relationship we can have in our lives is with ourselves. When we befriend our inner critic we are more capable of nurturing positive relationships with other people. And, it’s this nurturing that creates trust as a foundation of transformation.

Good Judgment & Expertise

Next let’s look at judgment. We cannot exhibit good judgment and expertise without first having experiences. These moments shape us and can guide us if we take the time to tease out the learning from each one and acknowledge what it provided. This empowers us to be able to trust our choices next time. This framework continues to build and ladder up as we collect more experiences and make adjustments for the next time we are confronted with something similar…or totally different. Each situation experienced will demand us to trust that we can prevail because our past has proven that it’s possible.

Consistency

Last of all, let’s consider consistency as it relates to building trust. Trust is strengthened over many occurrences. Although practice may not always end in perfection, it does provide us with data to reflect and build upon. And it’s the practice that bonds and strengthens trust individually and collectively. We will probably falter at times or misstep, but making a consistent effort toward trusting ourselves will pay off as true transformation takes shape through consistent practice and new habits!  You can take this a step further by doing what you say you are going to do.  Your word is your worth, so being true to your word and following through strengthens that foundation of trust. 

Trust…on solid ground

In conclusion, the ability to build or renovate relationships is one of the most important aspects of life, period. But to do so, you must first create a foundation of trust. And, before others will trust you, you have to trust yourself. Allowing space for your own vulnerability and authenticity with others is key. Secondly, learn from your experiences so that they create strength in this area. Third, continue seeking out other opportunities that will stretch your capacity so that you can practice trusting yourself first, and eventually others. And remember, the glue that binds the elements of trust together in a work environment is communication. Using words to describe, share, protect and champion our thoughts and beliefs can help us find things in common with each other. This goes a long way in building a solid foundation of trust that leads to true transformation. 

If you’re ready to see a transformation in your organization, we’ve got your back. Our Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team program is the perfect place to start. Call us for a complimentary discovery session. The path is so much easier when you have a guide!

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Your Personality at Work

“There is probably no quality or characteristic that is as rare as trust.” Patrick Lencioni

What is Trust?

The formal definition is ‘the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.’ But really, trust is about vulnerability.

In fact, we think Patrick Lencioni’s definition is way more impactful. In his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Lencioni states,

“When it comes to teams, trust is all about vulnerability. Team members who trust one another learn to be comfortable being open, even exposed, to one another around their failures, weaknesses and fears. Now, if this feels a little touchy-feely, that’s not where I’m going with it. Vulnerability-based trust is predicated on the simple – and practical – idea that people who aren’t afraid to admit the truth about themselves are also not going to engage in the kind of political behavior that wastes everyone’s time and energy, and more importantly, makes the accomplishment of results an unlikely scenario.”

We’ve probably all experienced that on some level. At Brilliant People, we know it doesn’t have to be this way.

Trust and Your Relationships At Work

We’ve all experienced broken trust at some point in our work environments. Possibly, it was you that broke someone else’s trust, or maybe yours was broken. Consequently, there were bad feelings left behind. But you know what? You can learn from your own mistakes as well as those of others! A few things to consider in regard to this might be:

• How did it feel?
• How did it affect the relationship?
• Were you able to repair the relationship after the trust was broken?

For some, a sincere apology does the trick, and they move on. For others, they want you to prove yourself over and over again, to gain their trust back. And as you can imagine, that could take a very long time.

Repairing relationships isn’t easy but the effort is worth it. In your current role, no matter what it is, you need good working relationships and building trust is the only way to get there.

The #1 Destroyer of Teams

In his book, The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni states that ‘absence of trust’ is the #1 destroyer of teams. The other layers in this model are important, but trust is the foundation for cohesive, collaborative, and productive teams.

Now, there are a zillion books on leadership that can tell you what leadership skills you need to be successful. But wouldn’t you know, leadership isn’t just about you.  You have to take into account the needs of those people you hope will follow your lead. The good news? Those who follow leaders really only have 4 basic needs.  

Want to take a guess at what those might be?

Based on research for a book called Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams, and Why People Follow, the 4 basic human needs are trust, compassion, stability, and hope.

So, how do you build trust with those that have been entrusted to you?

Steps to Success

First, we believe the #1 thing you have to do is be vulnerable with your coworkers. That might be a bit scary for some. I mean, people don’t usually think: Hey! Let’s go be vulnerable at work today! Said no one ever…

But, remember what I said earlier? Team members who trust each other learn to be comfortable being open to one another around their failures, weaknesses and even fears. It won’t happen overnight, but persistence will get there.

Depending on personality and personal history, vulnerability may be hard for some. So let’s take a moment to understand how our personality types play into this.

As a refresher, let’s discuss some of the struggles each personality type might have while trying to build trust. 

Dominance: Direct, forceful, lack of concern for others, impatience, insensitive

influence: Talkative, disingenuous, impulsive, lack of follow-through, disorganized

Steadiness: Slow to respond, acquiescent, too accommodating, avoid changes, indecisive

Conscientiousness: perfectionist, over analytical, skeptical, overly critical, keeps to themselves

Remember: I’m not saying this IS who you are, or that you WILL struggle. I’m just saying this is how others might perceive you, which can cause some issues.

The #2 thing you can do to develop trust with your coworkers is to get to know them. And I don’t mean the superficial stuff like their name or role in the company.  I mean, you need to take the time to understand who they are and why they show up the way they do. This means you need to spend time finding out what drives them, what their aspirations are, what they’re passionate about, where they’re from, whether or not they’re married, divorced, have kids, etc. will go a long way in developing genuine relationships at work.

A few things to consider as you work to build trust on your team: 

• How will each of your personality struggles keep you from being vulnerable and/or authentic with your coworkers?
• How can you use your strengths to overcome those struggles?
• Define some commitments that will help you create a foundation of trust with anyone you connect with. 

It’s up to us as individuals to do our part. Ultimately, it’s our responsibility to create the change we want to see in the workplace. And it starts with TRUST.

Call us for information on The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team training. This program is based on the model shown in this post.

The culture (r)evolution starts with you and we’re here to help.

You may also like:

It Takes A Village

Building Resilience Amidst Uncertainty – Part 1

Diversity & Equality: Our Story

Your Personality at Work