There are five steps to productive conflict. Wait, productive conflict? I know it’s hard to imagine because most people when they hear the word ‘conflict’ think of fighting, yelling, and arguing. What they’re referring to and what you’re probably thinking about right now, is destructive conflict. The negative kind of conflict that leaves hurt feelings, usually ends in stalemate, and over time can lead to a loss of productivity, effectiveness and engagement at work. This type of conflict wastes time and energy, and damages relationships. Productive conflict, on the other hand, is a healthy version of conflict that focuses on finding solutions in a respectful manner. One way to reach productive conflict is to utilize the 5 Steps to Resolution by Orrin Woodward. 

Step 1: Affirm the Relationship 

When you’re in conflict with someone, you’re usually not happy with the other person. So Step 1 encourages you to remember why you have a relationship with this person in the first place. Then take the time to tell the other person how much you value them. For example, “We work closely together on a lot of projects and I value our relationship.  So I am ok hashing this out with you so that we can get to a better place.”

Step 2: Seek to Understand 

This step actually pays homage to Stephen Covey’s  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Everyone wants to be heard and valued. This is just inherent to the human psyche. So this step makes us stop and listen. Instead of talking over each other trying to make sure that our viewpoint is the last one to be heard, we need to take the time to listen to what the other person is feeling. What do they want? What is important to them? The idea is to listen intently and repeat back to them what you heard. For example, “Let me see if I understand what you are saying. You feel…. Or You want….”

Step 3: Seek to Be Understood 

Once you’ve listened to why the other person feels the way they do, you’ve put what you heard into words, and they’ve agreed that you got it right, it’s your turn to share. This isn’t the time to let yourself get riled up. In fact, it’s really important that you keep your emotions in check or you’ll negate any progress you may have made in step two. So calmly and respectfully share your point of view on the issue at hand. When you’re finished ask the other person to please recap what you’ve shared with them to make sure they heard what you intended for them to hear.

Step 4: Own Responsibility By Apologizing 

This may be the hardest step for many of you, but it’s crucial to productive conflict and reaching a resolution. When you’re in conflict with someone, you may not be aware of the damage it has caused to your relationship. So own as much of the conflict as possible while still being truthful. For example, “I’m sorry that I dismissed your idea and talked over you in the meeting.” Even if you absolutely feel that you did nothing wrong, you can own the fact that you did not understand where the other person was coming from, and that you’d like get a better understanding now. 

Step 5: Seek Agreement 

Now it’s time to find a way forward out of the conflict. Have a discussion about what you would each like to see happen by repeating Steps 2 & 3. Wherever you find mutual agreement is a logical first step. However, also realize that compromise is key here. You don’t have to be in complete agreement in order to resolve the conflict. You just have to make some progress in the situation. In fact, if your conflict involves more than one issue or has evolved over a long period of time, you may have to start small. Choose one thing to commit to and then keep the commitment. This will build trust and decrease the likelihood of future conflicts over the same issue.  

To Wrap It Up

Conflict is inevitable in the workplace when have a lot of different personality types from different backgrounds, and who have different priorities, motivations, stressors and emotional needs. However,  it doesn’t have to be destructive. Conflict when done correctly is actually the gateway to the truth: better and brighter innovation as well as improved team dynamics. To get there utilize the 5 Steps to Resolution to engage in productive conflict. Oh and one last thing! Do the steps in person if at all possible. There’s just too much lost in written communication.

To improve your team’s ability to embrace productive conflict, call us. The Culture (R)evolution Starts With You! 

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Your Personality at Work

Productive conflict is good for organizational health, but it’s not always easy to achieve. We’ve probably all experienced the tension in the air from being in conflict with someone at work. Tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Maybe it’s because you didn’t see eye to eye with your boss, or you had a teammate who worked your last nerve because they were constantly taking sole credit for work you did together. No matter who it was, or what the circumstance, you were left feeling drained each time you shared space with that person. 

The way conflict makes us feel can wreak havoc on collaborative projects, mental health and employment in general. Unfortunately, this situation can lead some of us to run for the hills, becoming masters of conflict avoidance. Whereas others of us, run headlong into it unconcerned for the wreckage left behind. But the reality is that the goal should always be to strive for productive conflict. It’s important to out the elephant in the room – whatever it is. And when done well, this is one of the most constructive and effective ways to handle conflict. 

But Conflict is Uncomfortable

Patrick Lencioni, author of the 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, cites fear of conflict as one of the major reasons teams fail to reach their true potential.  Avoiding conflict often makes us feel better in the short term, but it doesn’t solve the problem. Instead, it just prolongs the situation and almost always sets it up for happening again,

and again,

and again.

This can be hard because deep down, we know that we’re compromising our true feelings by shoving the frustration down and moving on without actually solving the situation. Or by damaging our work relationships that make it impossible to collaborate.

Conflict for many can be uncomfortable, but it’s also a natural and inevitable part of all relationships. So figuring out how to embrace the idea of productive conflict is an important step in creating a great team. Teams that practice productive conflict experience more creativity, collaboration and cohesion. In general, healthy conflict improves interpersonal workplace relationships across the board. The only problem is, what one person sees as “healthy” might be another person’s worst nightmare. And, that’s because people have different personality types (what makes us tick + life experience). 

Personality Affects Conflict

The different personality types have different natural tendencies, communicate differently and are motivated by different things. Understanding how each person is naturally wired is key for not only becoming more familiar with the personality types, but also for navigating conflict. When we understand how we show up in the world and why, we’re much more likely to want to understand how and why others show up the way they do. And we might even meet them where they are. So let’s take a look at some of the behaviors common to the four major DiSC personality types when in conflict. 

Conflict & the Dominant

The Dominant personality type usually presents as confident, take charge and results oriented employees. These are good qualities but when they’re confidence is borderline boastful and their encroaching on your territory or taking credit for your work, conflict is a very possible outcome. Especially if they use their physical presence to make their point (which is common). Teammates who don’t come across as confidently as the Dominant, but are just as qualified, may feel intimidated and choose to acquiesce instead of standing up for themselves and their work. The Dominant also makes decisions quickly and may cause others to feel like they just can’t keep up. These scenarios can lead to impatience and autocratic responses from the Dominant, which do not encourage collaboration.

The Influencer & Conflict

The Influencer type is the forever optimist and always tries to make things fun. They also have a lot of words that have to be expressed before the end of each day! And they use their incredible social skills to create and maintain relationships. However, their organization and process skills are sometimes lacking. If they hone their social skills too much, teammates are going to grumble that they’re spending way too much time socializing and not enough time working. Then when conflict comes to a head, the Influencer often responds loudly and emotionally. So much so, that they often surprise their teammates, and not in a good way. This type of behavior may be a steam release for the Influencer, but it can also seriously damage the relationships they’ve worked so hard to cultivate.

Conflict & the Steady

The Steady personality type is an amazing collaborator and team player. They’re naturally supportive and they work hard to make sure every voice on the team is heard. However, they often find it hard to express their own thoughts and feelings making it difficult to ensure that their voice is heard. They really prefer calm and status quo, so when tension rises, agreement is usually what you’ll get. This is even if they aren’t actually tied to what they’ve agreed to. The Steady just wants to get along. This unfortunately means that teammates who are louder, pushier, and possibly more physically demonstrative often shut the Steady down. And when one teammate feels that they’re voice isn’t valued, you have a dysfunctional team.

The Conscientious & Conflict

And, lastly, there is the Conscientious personality type. These guys have very analytical brains and it’s important to them that their work is precise and detailed. Some might call them perfectionists. Because of this they can lose sense of time and end up in the weeds of a project. They’re also quite sensitive but you’d never know it by looking at them because they keep their emotions in check. This type tends toward avoidance when conflict arises, preferring to just go it alone. They typically try to remove themselves from the situation and work independently. That’s the way they prefer to work anyway. But of course, we all know, that being on a team, means working together, not in isolation.

Productive Conflict is the Answer

The personality types show up differently at work, and one is not better than the other. But the differences can create conflict. The conflict continuum from The 5 Behaviors of a Cohesive Team training program shows artificial harmony on one end and mean spirited, ugly conflict on the other. Take a minute to consider where your team falls. If you’re stuck in artificial harmony or worse, you won’t get very far. When we aren’t willing to respectfully go toe to toe for something we feel strongly about – pushing to the line, but not going over the line – we begin to lose sight of what’s really important. Unfortunately this is the downhill slide into mediocrity, and often culminates in an exit strategy. Conflict has that much power.

So decide today to learn how your personality is tied to the conflict you experience and what you can do about it. And stay tuned for our next blog post where we’ll dig into ways you can encourage productive conflict at work. The Culture (R)evolution Starts With You!

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When building or ‘renovating’ relationships – lay a foundation of trust first

To go from trust to transformation in relationships, we have to approach them like we would if we were building or renovating a house.  We would never add the framework or layer multiple floors on without having a very secure base. In this case, trust is the foundation of transformation, which is key when building or ‘renovating’ relationships at work or in our personal lives.  

A strong foundation needs to be fortified and able to withstand the known and unknown forces at play. If you ask people what trust means to them you will hear varying responses. Examples might include: trust in myself, trust in the system, trust in others, and trust that it will all work out. This is because perceiving and embodying trust is totally subjective. We all have our own interpretation of trust and how it serves us.  And these interpretations are formulated by our own unique experiences.  So how do we transform through trust and build a strong and resilient foundation? We begin with trusting ourselves. 

Turning the focus inward by fortifying our own solid base of trust allows us an opportunity to be vulnerable and honest. But, being vulnerable and allowing ourselves to be honest can be terrifying because it means exposing our true selves and all of our self-perceived faults to others.  However, when we are able to show this vulnerability to others and understand what it takes to work through difficult moments, we are better equipped to understand what it’s like for others to do the same. This process helps us develop empathy, which builds connections, shared experiences and ultimately trust.  

Trust, according to research reported in The Harvard Business Review consists of 3 main elements: positive relationships, good judgment/expertise, and consistency.

Positive Relationships

So let’s look first at fostering a positive relationship of trust with ourselves. This is important because it’s the template for how we view and interact in our external relationships.  For example, if we are more optimistic and engaged, we can more easily partner with colleagues or friends in both the good times and the hard times remembering that we’re all there for the greater good. The trust we nurture in ourselves enables us to trust our own voice, gut feeling…our intuition.  And intuition helps to cultivate emotional intelligence. The most important positive relationship we can have in our lives is with ourselves. When we befriend our inner critic we are more capable of nurturing positive relationships with other people. And, it’s this nurturing that creates trust as a foundation of transformation.

Good Judgment & Expertise

Next let’s look at judgment. We cannot exhibit good judgment and expertise without first having experiences. These moments shape us and can guide us if we take the time to tease out the learning from each one and acknowledge what it provided. This empowers us to be able to trust our choices next time. This framework continues to build and ladder up as we collect more experiences and make adjustments for the next time we are confronted with something similar…or totally different. Each situation experienced will demand us to trust that we can prevail because our past has proven that it’s possible.

Consistency

Last of all, let’s consider consistency as it relates to building trust. Trust is strengthened over many occurrences. Although practice may not always end in perfection, it does provide us with data to reflect and build upon. And it’s the practice that bonds and strengthens trust individually and collectively. We will probably falter at times or misstep, but making a consistent effort toward trusting ourselves will pay off as true transformation takes shape through consistent practice and new habits!  You can take this a step further by doing what you say you are going to do.  Your word is your worth, so being true to your word and following through strengthens that foundation of trust. 

Trust…on solid ground

In conclusion, the ability to build or renovate relationships is one of the most important aspects of life, period. But to do so, you must first create a foundation of trust. And, before others will trust you, you have to trust yourself. Allowing space for your own vulnerability and authenticity with others is key. Secondly, learn from your experiences so that they create strength in this area. Third, continue seeking out other opportunities that will stretch your capacity so that you can practice trusting yourself first, and eventually others. And remember, the glue that binds the elements of trust together in a work environment is communication. Using words to describe, share, protect and champion our thoughts and beliefs can help us find things in common with each other. This goes a long way in building a solid foundation of trust that leads to true transformation. 

If you’re ready to see a transformation in your organization, we’ve got your back. Our Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team program is the perfect place to start. Call us for a complimentary discovery session. The path is so much easier when you have a guide!

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“There is probably no quality or characteristic that is as rare as trust.” Patrick Lencioni

What is Trust?

The formal definition of trust is ‘the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.’ But really, trust is about vulnerability.

In fact, we think Patrick Lencioni’s definition is way more impactful. In his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Lencioni states,

“When it comes to teams, trust is all about vulnerability. Team members who trust one another learn to be comfortable being open, even exposed, to one another around their failures, weaknesses and fears. Now, if this feels a little touchy-feely, that’s not where I’m going with it. Vulnerability-based trust is predicated on the simple – and practical – idea that people who aren’t afraid to admit the truth about themselves are also not going to engage in the kind of political behavior that wastes everyone’s time and energy, and more importantly, makes the accomplishment of results an unlikely scenario.”

Based on his work with thousands of teams, he’s seen time and again that trust is the foundation for cohesive, collaborative, and productive teams. So how exactly do you go about building that trust?

Trust and Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is key to building trust, so first, consider your own experience with trust. Maybe you have broken someone else’s trust, or maybe yours was broken. Either way, you can learn from what happened. To do so, consider the following:

• How did it feel?
• How did it affect the relationship?
• Were you able to repair the relationship after the trust was broken?

Repairing relationships isn’t easy but the effort is worth it. No matter what your current role is, you need good working relationships and building trust is the only way to get there.  

Vulnerability = Trust 

Second, learn to be vulnerable with your teammates. That might be a bit scary for some. I mean, people don’t usually think: Hey! Let’s go be vulnerable at work today! 

Said no one ever…

Instead, try thinking of vulnerability as being able to be authentic. Help your teammates understand why you do what you do. Giving insight to others about what you prioritize, what motivates you, and what stresses you out will help them understand you more, building better relationships. And FYI, all of that is related to your personality type. The Everything DiSC model describes the four major personalities as: 

• Dominance: Direct, forceful, lack of concern for others, impatience, insensitive
• influence: Talkative, disingenuous, impulsive, lack of follow-through, disorganized
• Steadiness: Slow to respond, acquiescent, too accommodating, avoid changes, indecisive
• Conscientiousness: perfectionist, over analytical, skeptical, overly critical, keeps to themselves

Understanding how your personality type typically shows up can help you understand how others might perceive you. And those perceptions might be causing trust issues on your team. 

Get To Know Your Team Personally

Third, if you want to develop trust with your coworkers, get to know them personally. I don’t mean superficial stuff like their name or role in the company.  I’m talking about taking the time to understand who they are and why they show up the way they do. So, find out what drives them, what their aspirations are, what they’re passionate about, where they’re from, whether or not they have a family, etc. All people want to feel that they’re worth knowing. Understanding what makes them tick will give you clues as to how to motivate teammates better and ease their stress, so that they work better on the team. 

To Wrap It All Up

Building trust takes time and effort but the rewards outweigh the cost. Just remember that team members who trust each other are more comfortable being open to one another around their failures, weaknesses and even fears. When you can talk about these things honestly, you’ll be able to work together to solve team issues. Again, the three steps to practice are

1. Self-Reflection: think through your own trust experiences to learn from them.
2. Personality: understand the motivators, stressors, strengths & struggles (yours and your teammates) and lastly,
3. Vulnerability: set the example for being authentic so others will follow 

Individually, we are each responsible for doing our part to build trust on our teams. Of course, it won’t happen overnight, so start small so it won’t be overwhelming. For example, choose a different commitment each week, until they become second nature. With persistence you’ll get there. Ultimately, we have to be the change we want to see in the workplace and that starts with TRUST. 

Want to give your team the gift of a full day session focused on building a cohesive and collaborative team? Choose The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team training. You’ll get 

• An in depth assessment of how the team is functioning based on the five behaviors: trust, productive conflict, commitment, accountability and results. 
• A full day session including team building activities for setting team norms around each of the behaviors and
• 3, 6 and 12 month post training comparison reports to show progress as well as areas that may still need improvement

Schedule a discovery call to learn more and decide if The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team training is right for you. Remember, you have to be the change. The culture (r)evolution starts with you!

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Soft skills are as important as hard skills as reported by ninety-seven percent of employers surveyed. This is because they’ve realized just how much soft skills contribute to productivity and the overall culture of their business. However, not all organizations are willing to provide training to develop these skills. Most just think that money needs to be spent on developing hard skills. I won’t argue that they’re necessary. But unless you work in a vacuum with no need to ever interact with another human in any capacity, soft skills are crucial to your success at work. 

Take this last year, in particular. We’ve all had to adapt (soft skill) in order to keep our heads above water. Most of us had to get creative (soft skill) in order to turn our homes into a combination office/school/gym/restaurant. And then we had to figure out how to collaborate (soft skill) with our teammates via a virtual meeting room. None of this was fun, but because it was necessary to do these things, we’ve built some resilience along the way (soft skill). See what I mean, about the importance of the so-called soft skills? 

Today’s employers expect to provide some if not all the training for the hard skills necessary for a particular role. But the idea of having to also train employees in the soft skills is a fairly new revelation. This is something that’s occurred over the last 2 decades. So what are the soft skills most lacking in the current workforce? According to recent statistics, they are communication, collaboration and leadership. 

Communication Is A Soft Skill

Effective communication is the key to any relationship at work. I mean, we live in a world where we might be working with people across the room or across the globe. We’re doing this mostly by telephone and email, without hearing tone of voice or seeing body language. And this leads to A LOT of miscommunication. However, even if we are able to speak with someone in person, we aren’t always able to communicate effectively. Why? Because our personality styles often get in the way. Each of the four major personality styles have different priorities, motivators, stressors and emotional needs which we communicate differently. 

Take the Conscientious style who tends to be analytical, methodical and private. Now imagine that he/she has to work closely with an Influencer style. The Influencer never knew a stranger, throws out new ideas every few minutes just to see if they’ll stick, and flies by the seat of his/her pants. These two different personality styles don’t understand why they each individually show up the way they do. And this leads to miscommunication. There are just no two ways around it. 

Collaboration Is A Soft Skill

Communication by itself is important, but the reality is it’s also a necessary component of collaboration. Today’s workplaces share people and data across many channels and groups. Individuals, teams and departments may operate independent of each other, but they’re often dependent upon one another. And again this is where personality differences can create problems. 

For example, let’s say you have a Dominant personality type who wants to win at any cost, and doesn’t have time for niceties. And this person needs a report ASAP. In the Dominant’s mind, this is top priority. The problem is that he’s demanding it from a Steady personality style who is often slow to respond because he/she really needs to think through things and has difficulty speaking his/her mind when challenged. You think this might cause some anger, frustration and hurt feelings? Absolutely!

Leadership Is A Soft Skill

The third soft skill that is lacking in many organizations today is leadership. People often get promoted to management positions because they were great in their previous role. But that doesn’t mean they know how to work well with other people. And this discrepancy becomes glaringly clear in a short amount of time, with the result being disgruntled employees. It’s extremely important for managers to understand their leadership shortcomings and to work to rectify them. This is why leaders should never stop learning. But also because being elevated to a leadership role inherently implies that you know how to lead! 

Of course, it’s not just managers who should be expected to lead well. Everyone, no matter where they fall on the org chart, has a responsibility to lead within their own role. All employees should understand how they show up at work, take responsibility for their actions and learn to work well with others. If everyone chose to do these things, work would feel a lot less like work.

Soft Skills Are Needed For Success

Like I stated in the beginning, most employers recognize the importance of soft skills in the workplace. The problem is there aren’t enough employers helping their employees develop these skills. This is a problem since the soft skills dilemma continues to worsen, and higher ed hasn’t stepped in to fill the gap. This means organizations have to step up if they want their employees to have the necessary skills to help them stay engaged, create positive company culture and increase production. Specifically, they need to focus on helping employees improve their communication, collaboration, and leadership abilities.

If your organization is ready to take on this challenge, get in touch with us today.

The Culture (R)evolution starts with you!

This was originally posted Oct. 18, 2018

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Your Personality at Work

4th installment of a 5 part series:

Humans are complex. We know this. Yet, organizations still assume that just putting a bunch of talented people together will ensure the success of that team. Unfortunately, it’s just not true. There’s a lot more to creating connected teams and a feeling of community in the workplace. 

A lot of employees believe the most important element of team connectedness is the buy-in of each employee to the company’s mission, vision, and values. Some would suggest it’s creating effective and efficient communication strategies across channels, so everyone knows what they need to know. And the really brave might even suggest that employees need to feel valued, heard and celebrated for their wins.

All of these are necessary on some level for team cohesion. That being said, at Brilliant People, we believe the three most important steps to creating team success are building trust, engaging in productive conflict, and strengthening connection in your teams.

Trust: the glue that holds a team together

Patrick Lencioni, author of The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, once said:

There is probably no quality or characteristic that is as rare as trust.”

This is especially true in the workplace. And, employees and their organizations are suffering because of it.

The formal definition of trust is ‘the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.’ But, when it comes to teams, trust is all about vulnerability. Team members who trust one another are comfortable sharing their failures, weaknesses and fears with their teammates.  We aren’t talking about touchy-feely stuff here. That’s not where we’re going with this. Connected teams have trust and are less likely to waste time slacking off or engaging in backbiting and office politics. And they have more motivation to do the work asked of them. In fact, increased trust in a team directly correlates to better job performance and increased employee engagement. The direct result being an increase in profitability.

We understand that an absence of trust is the #1 destroyer of teams. Because of this we offer The 5 Behaviors of a Cohesive Team to help individuals build trust with their teammates.  All other behaviors (conflict, commitment, accountability, and results) are important. However, trust is the foundation needed to create cohesive, collaborative, and productive teams (aka connected teams).

The Aftermath of Conflict

Conflicts that are ignored or mishandled fester within an organization, wreaking havoc on relationships and ultimately the company culture.

Ever see the movie Jaws? Or, any thriller/suspense movie where the music for a given scene induced feelings of intense anxiety, suspense, or fear? These same feelings are evoked when people have to deal with conflict. Conflict is most often associated with fighting, and confrontation, so more often than not, people try to steer clear of it.

Even so, the reality is that US employees spend approximately 2.8 hours each week involved in some level of conflict. That’s 140+ hours a year and almost  $359 billion in hours paid that are filled with and focused on conflict! And our clients tell us that it’s happening way more than this research shows.

Other important ramifications due to conflict in the workplace include: 

• Low team morale
• Negative impact on authority
• Increased number of personal clashes
• Low productivity and efficiency
• Low quality work

All of which equals a disengaged workforce.

Conflict: use it or diffuse it

Conflict is really just the natural result of putting a bunch of people together who have different personalities, talents, values, and backgrounds. So, why not channel all those differences into something positive and productive? Why not allow conflict to be used as an energy source for creativity, innovation, and transformation? That would be amazing, right? But to get there we need to develop methods to diffuse negative conflict so that we can use it productively.

When trust is developed within the organization, the ability to encourage and take part in productive conflict is greatly enhanced. Everyone at the table can then genuinely explore issues in a collaborative way. This is way better than each individual having a “save yourself” mentality.

Navigating conflict is tricky but everyone can learn to engage in it. We do this by offering training that provides the tools needed to make educated, non-emotional decisions about how to handle conflict appropriately. This allows for all involved to retain their integrity, which is critical to a cohesive team.

All For One & One For All

Having connected teams is integral to a team’s success. Feeling that connection and community within the team happens when there is an emphasis on implementing people-centric strategies. In plain English, teammates have to spend time getting to know each other. They need to know their own and each other’s priorities, motivators, and stressors. Recognizing our differences and working through them is an important tenet of a thriving company culture.

Creating a successful team is work and it doesn’t happen overnight.  It takes consistency and a commitment to the effort every day. Because of this, we’ve created a continual learning model that speaks to the value and power of a connected team.  Our training program provides applicable everyday strategies to bring teams and leaders closer together. And positive productive culture is the result. You spend a lot of time at work, so use your time wisely and focus on productivity, not negativity and unproductive conflict.

The culture (r)evolution starts with you. If you’re ready to create successful teams within your organization, contact us. We can show you the way.

Up Next: Leadership At All Levels-Part 5

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